My House Testimony

    I hope this testimony encourages you to know that God is real. Know that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father in heaven except through him.

    Several months ago, Carolyn and I prayed and we asked if we should continue renting or try to buy a house. A few days later we received a letter in the mail stating that the owner was putting the duplex we lived in on market. We took this as our answer. Carolyn found a realtor at the building she works at, and we looked at two houses. We put an offer on the second house. We were really excited about this house because it was 2000 sq ft with 4 bedrooms and we were finally going to own a home, but this house was being sold AS/IS and was old and in need of many costly repairs. Also, the monthly payments would be over the top of our budget.

    Carolyn and I argued a lot, and we began to shift all our attention and energy toward this house. We decided to stop giving money to the church and to stop giving money to other organizations, so that we could funnel money into this house. We skipped going to church one Sunday because this house was just too important to talk about. I skipped my men’s group that Tuesday because this house was just too important to talk about. This house became the center focus of our lives for a few weeks.

    I hadn’t prayed much or spent much time in God’s word during this time, but one day I decided to open You Tube to watch Pastor Paul teach from the book of Romans. I had been going through his lessons on Romans, so on that day I was at his lesson on Romans 8:1-17. And the words of this lesson hit me and woke me up. I opened my Bible and I read the words, “For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.” I realized that I was going back to my flesh. By setting my mind and my heart on this house, I was willing to devote myself to this house. In my heart, I was willing to set God aside. I was replacing God with an idol. An idol consumes your thoughts, and you dedicate your resources to it, and it becomes the focus of your heart. It becomes the thing that you look to for happiness. It replaces God in your life.

    The thing is this, I had been watching Pastor Paul on YouTube for about two years. I’ve watched his lessons on Ephesians and Galatians and many other books in the Bible. That I had been going through his lessons on Romans at that time and at that day I was on Romans 8:1-17 shows that God is with us. I think I’m just picking and choosing which Pastor Paul videos to watch, but the reality is that the hand of God is involved in our lives more deeply than we know. We just can’t see it.

    We backed out of the house contract, and we looked at and submitted an offer for a condo, and we were accepted. We met with the home inspector, and he saw our Jesus sticker on the back of our car, and he said that he believed in Jesus too. We talked for a bit and then we went through the home inspection and afterwards we got into our cars, and he left, but Carolyn realized she left her purse in the condo, so I called him. The phone rang a few times, until he answered and he said he would drive back. When he pulled up next to us, he got out of his car and told us, when you called, my phone showed your number as a spam alert and he said, “I never answer those calls, and I wasn’t going to answer it, but the Lord told me to answer it.” He repeated himself and we were all amazed. We had communicated via email, so he didn’t know my phone number.

    When we prayed for help in a decision, God answered with a letter. When we sinned against God, He convicted me through His word in the bible, and He delivered us from a bad decision, and used our sin to show His hand, and to teach us, and to increase our faith. When we needed help in getting Carolyn’s purse, God helped us in an unexpected way. That the Almighty God of all creation would care about Carolyn getting her purse back amazes me. And when God told the home inspector to answer his phone, it showed that this condo is where He wants us to live. He truly knows the number of hairs on your head, and He is truly with you if you are in Him.

My Testimony: The Path, The Rocky Ground, The Thorns, and the Good Soil: A Comparison of My Life to the Parable of the Sower

 

    Jesus came into my life in May of 2024. Since then, I have been thinking about the experiences I had when I was a teenager and when I was 25 years old. These experiences led me to believe that I was saved. If anyone would have asked me back then, I would have said that I believed in Jesus and that I was a Christian, but as I read the bible, which is something I did very little of back then, I am beginning to question if my faith was truly in Jesus back then. I am beginning to realize that I have been in unbelief most of my life, even when I thought I believed as a teenager and at the age of 25 years old. I have been asking myself since May of 2024, am I really one of the lost sheep that was found? Or am I really a prodigal son returning home? Or was I never truly a sheep or a son, until now? I have been restless about these questions, so I decided to compare myself to the Parable of the Sower to see if I could understand. Paul said in 2 Corinthians 13:5, “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!” I intend to examine my past experiences with the Parable of the Sower because this will help me to understand my past and will help me to understand the changes in my life now as a born again believer in Jesus.

    The Parable of the Sower is in Matthew 13:1-23, Mark 4:1-20, and Luke 8:4-15. The “path,” the “rocky ground,” the “thorns” and the “good soil” are different soils that represent people, but more specifically, the soils represent the openness of a person’s heart to God’s word. The “path” is the hardest soil. The “rocky ground” is hardened with rock underneath and a thin layer of soil on top. The “thorns” have good soil, but the soil is full of many different weeds. And the “good soil” is the one that has taken in the seed and the seed has sprouted into a plant that is producing fruit. However, the hardened “path” can be tilled, and the rocks can be removed from the “rocky ground,” and the weeds can be pulled from the “thorns.” This is only possible through the Holy Spirit. But, the “good soil” can also become hardened, or rocky, and even weedy. This happens because people have free will. People respond to God’s word at different times in their lives. So, people can be each soil during different times within their lifetime. To show this, I will compare parts of my life history to the different soils.

Parable of the Sower in Matthew

    In Matthew 13:1-9, we read, “That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat beside the sea. And great crowds gathered about him, so that he got into a boat and sat down. And the whole crowd stood on the beach. And he told them many things in parables, saying: “A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seeds fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured them. Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away. Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them. Other seeds fell on good soil and produced grain, some a hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. He who has ears, let him hear.”

Jesus Explains the Parable of the Sower

    In Matthew 13:18-23, we read, “Hear then the parable of the sower: When anyone hears the word of the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what has been sown in his heart. This is what was sown along the path. As for what was sown on rocky ground, this is the one who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy, yet he has no root in himself, but endures for a while, and when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately he falls away. As for what was sown among thorns, this is the one who hears the word, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. As for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. He indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.”

The Sower

    In Mark 4:14, the “sower sows the word.” The sower represents someone who believes in the word and who tells others about the word. We see this in 1 Corinthians 3:6, when Paul said, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.” In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul saw himself as a sower, and Apollos as a teacher, and that only God can provide the growth. I ask myself, how does one become a sower? I tend to think of a sower as someone like Paul, who traveled to many places and talked with many people in their communities. This method continues today and is still profitable in making disciples, but I think it comes down to two things. What are you good at? And to be a light no matter where you are. Are you good at writing, or at teaching, or at music, or at using humor, or at giving, or at leading others? Whatever your abilities, use your abilities wherever you are. Whether, you are with family, at work, with friends, or traveling, or whether you are called to be a missionary in Cambodia. There will be hard choices to be made. You will make many mistakes. You will never be fully prepared. You will learn as you go. God can use your weaknesses for his glory. And as you sow seeds, seek treasures in heaven, not the treasures of this world.

    We see an example of a sower sowing seed in Acts 16:29-32 with Paul and Silas preaching the word, until they were beaten and jailed for casting out a demon from a girl. While in the prison, there was an earthquake causing the prison doors to open. After the earthquake, the jailer was about to take his own life, until Paul called out to him. Then, “the jailer called for lights and rushed in, and trembling with fear he fell down before Paul and Silas. Then he brought them out and said, ‘Sirs, what must I do to be saved?’ And they said, ‘Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.’ And they spoke the word of the Lord to him and to all who were in his house.” The jailer knew that Paul and Silas were teaching a message that had to do with salvation because he asked, “what must I do to be saved?” He must have known their message before the earthquake. What this means is that a seed had already been sown before he jailed Paul and Silas in the prison. Seeing that Paul and Silas had not escaped meant something important to the jailer, not only for his life. Maybe it was because he saw that Paul and Silas lived according to what they were teaching about Jesus by not running away to save themselves. How is it that the jailer responded with openness and the desire to know and not with violence and duty right after the earthquake? It’s because God provided the growth. The jailer humbled himself and wanted to know how to be saved. He set aside what he had been taught in his culture and community. He set aside his role as a jailer. Not only was the jailer’s life saved from taking his own life, but the jailer’s life was saved eternally because he believed in the message of the sowers, Paul and Silas. To be saved, Paul and Silas said to the jailer “believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.”

The Seed

    In Luke 8:11, the “seed is the word of God.” The seed represents God’s word. In John 1:1-2, we read, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.” Here we see that the “Word” is Jesus. And we see that Jesus is the “beginning” of all things, and that Jesus is with God, and that Jesus is God. And since in John 1:18, “No one has ever seen God; the only God, who is at the Father's side, he has made him known.” Then Jesus, who is the “only God, who is at the Father’s side,” has made the Father known to us in his “Word.” Jesus is the “Word” and Jesus is the seed. The sower gets the seed from Jesus. Without Jesus, the sower would not have the seed. Without the seed, we would not have God’s word. Without God’s word, we would not know God. Without the seed, no one would be saved.

    Notice that the seed falls on every soil, so God does not exclude anyone from his word. According to Peter in 2 Peter 3:9, “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.” God desires that no one “should perish” and that “all should reach repentance.” But, Jesus said in John 6:44, “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day.” According to Jesus, the Father draws people to him. According to Peter, God does not want anyone to perish. And according to Jesus, the seed falls on every soil. Since the seed falls on every soil, then the Father draws everyone to Jesus because the Father does not want anyone to perish. Since the Father does not want anyone to perish, then the choice is up to the individual. The choice is to remain in unbelief, or to recognize that what you believe is not the truth and to decide to believe in the truth. To “reach repentance,” anyone must recognize that they are in unbelief and that they need to move from unbelief to belief. The jailer was in unbelief until he heard the word spoken by Paul and Silas. Before he heard the word spoken by Paul and Silas, he believed in what he had learned from his family and community. But then he recognized that the truth was not in himself, so he asked Paul and Silas, “what must I do to be saved?”

    Repentance is to recognize that what you believe is false, but then a change happens and you decide to believe in the truth. This sounds simple, but it’s not an easy thing to do because we have convinced ourselves that what we believe is the truth. Jesus said in Revelation 21:6-7, “And he said to me, ‘It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son.’” According to Jesus, one must be “thirsty” and one must be the “one who conquers.” There is a relationship here between God and the one who is “thirsty” and the “one who conquers.” God will freely give eternal life to the person who is “thirsty” and to the “one who conquers.” I ask myself, what does it mean to be “thirsty,” and what does it mean to be the “one who conquers?” They both involve repentance, that is to recognize that what one believes in, is false and then decide to leave that belief, in order to believe in the truth. One must be “thirsty” for the truth to find the truth. One must ask, seek, and knock for the truth. One must recognize that the truth is not in them. When anyone does this, they humble themselves. When anyone does this, they are the “one who conquers.” Jesus said, in John 10:7-9, “Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. All who came before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture.” The “door of the sheep” is Jesus. There are many doors one conquers when they choose the one door in Jesus. The jailer was “thirsty” to know what he must do to be saved. The jailer conquered the many doors that told him to believe in something else. How did he recognize the truth? It’s because he listened to the Father drawing him. Only God can provide the growth.

The Path

    The “path” are people who hear the word, but they quickly lose the word that was sown in them. We see this in Luke 8:12, “The ones along the path are those who have heard; then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe and be saved.” The people of the “path” hear the word, and the word is sown in them, but as soon as they hear the word, and as soon as the word is sown in their hearts, the word is taken away by the devil. It seems that when someone hears the word, that is a critical moment. And this can mean for the first time or the twentieth time.

    There are two reasons why the people of the “path” lose the word that is sown in them. The first reason is the devil. The devil is responsible for the people of the path losing what was sown in their hearts. I ask myself how is this possible? Paul offers a possible explanation in Ephesians 2:1-3, “And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience, among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.” The “course of this world” is under the control of a “prince,” who is a “spirit,” and who works in the “sons of disobedience,” who live for their “passions” and “desires.” The influence that this “prince” has on the “course of this world” is that people live for themselves. Then, what this could mean for the people of the “path” is when they hear the word, they reject the word because they don’t want to give up their “passions” and their “desires” of this world, which explains why people of the “path” lose the word so quickly.

    This reminds me when I was 17 years old, I went to church for Christmas service with my parents. When I was sitting inside the church, I had a thought, like I was being asked if I was ready to follow Jesus. I said, “No, not now.” Because I had a girlfriend and I liked to party with my friends. I had plans, and I knew that following Jesus would mean that I would have to give up the lifestyle I enjoyed. I followed the “course of this world” and the “prince of the power of the air” because I lived for the “passions of [my] flesh” and the “desires of [my] body and mind.” If you would have asked me if I believed in Jesus, I would have said, “Yes!” I would have called myself a Christian, but as I look back now, I did not know Jesus and I was not following Jesus. The god I actually followed was the “prince” of this world. The “prince” of this world encouraged me to follow my own path and to make god into my own image. That is, to believe that my god was okay with my choices and my lifestyle and my understanding of him. My faith was in myself, not in Jesus. If my faith was in Jesus, I would have said, “Yes, I will follow you.” My heart was far from Jesus when I was 17 years old, and I didn’t even know it.

    Jesus said, the one who is “thirsty” and the “one who conquers” will receive eternal life. When I was sitting inside that church, and I had that thought of being asked if I was ready to follow Jesus. I was not “thirsty” to know God. I was not the “one who conquers” through Jesus Christ. I believed only in words. I lived only for myself. I did not humble myself. I believed I already had the truth. To have been “thirsty” for the truth, I would have set aside my plans. I would have asked, like the jailer, “what must I do to be saved?” The Father was drawing me, like Jesus said in John 6:44, “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him. And I will raise him up on the last day.” But, I said “No, not now.” This is not a part of a spiritual journey. This is far more real and serious than any spiritual journey. It’s a choice between choosing the world that will please you, or choosing God, who will enrich you far beyond what this world has to offer. If I had died, I would have been eternally separated from the love of God because my trust was in a god of my own thinking. I lived my life with no thought of God. I didn’t look to God, though I said I believed. My heart knew there was a God, but in my heart I followed myself and the world. There is something about faith that is more than saying one believes in this or that. That is why Paul encouraged believers to stand in their faith and to not believe in vain, and to have the same mindset as Jesus and to not follow the ways of the world. Faith is more than just words that come out of your mouth. To say, “I believe in Jesus,” but then you live for yourself is to claim to have one foot in this world and one foot with Jesus. This is an impossible claim. To have one foot in this world is to have both feet in this world.

    The second reason the people of the “path” lose the word is because they do not understand the word. To not understand the word has nothing to do with intelligence, but rather because we live for this world, we are blinded by it. When I was 17 years old and sitting in that church, I understood what I had to give up to follow Jesus, but I did not understand that to follow Jesus was the better choice. I was not blinded by what my choices were. I was blinded from knowing which choice was better because my understanding was focused on myself and in the lifestyle I wanted to live in. My understanding was not focused on knowing God. I did not understand this because I was blinded by what I wanted. This world is not what we should be living for because it is a lie that will lead us away from the truth that is in Jesus. And what is the truth in Jesus? The truth in Jesus is love. Love is to sacrifice yourself. The opposite of love is to live for oneself. That is why the “course of this world,” which is controlled by a “prince,” leads us to live for our own “passions” and “desires.” When we live for ourselves, we move away from God. The course of this world tells us that love is emotions and love is physical and love is material things that please the self, but these are all lies. Love is sacrifice of the self.

    What is the difference between understanding the way of this world and understanding the way of God? I think Paul answers this in 1 Thessalonians 2:13, “And we also thank God constantly for this, that when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men but as what it really is, the word of God, which is at work in you believers.” To understand seems to require three things. The first is to distinguish between the word of man and the word of God. The second is to make the conscious decision to accept God’s word, and when you accept God’s word, you will receive it in your heart. This sounds simple, but in reality it is hard because the way of this world dominates us. The way of this world is the way of the self. And the way of the self is in everyone’s heart. The third is after you accept God’s word, it is “at work” within you. This is the Holy Spirit working in you, leading you to die to yourself. When you die to yourself, you will live for Jesus. This is how you understand the way of God. You die to yourself. But in order to live in the way of God, you have to leave the way of the world or way of the self. To do this requires faith. If your faith is in yourself, then your faith is not in Jesus. You cannot both live for yourself and deny yourself. This is why many people are hardened against the truth because they don’t want to deny themselves, so they reject Jesus or they decide to accept that they can believe in both Jesus and the world, but their faith in Jesus is no faith at all because they are just following their own “passions” and “desires,” which prevents them from recognizing the truth. How does one overcome the rule of the self? The one who is “thirsty” and the one who finds truth in Jesus Christ. There is only one truth and that truth is in Jesus. Who is the Word. And who is the only true God with the Father and the Holy Spirit.

Can the People of the Path be Saved?

    If they couldn’t be saved, I wouldn’t be writing this study. I want to tell you how hardened I was as an atheist. In 2020, when I was 55 years old, I had a minor stroke. After my symptoms had normalized, I was waiting in the ER for the nurse to take me to a hospital room. A man approached me and said he was a Chaplin and he wanted to know if I wanted to talk. I said, “No!” I was surprised and offended and angry that he approached me. He saw the look on my face and turned around and left, and I quickly forget about him. As I look back on that experience, I can see that even when I thought I might die, I had no thought of God. And when God did approach me in the Chaplin, I wanted nothing to do with him. I now ask myself, “Why was I surprised, offended, and angry?” I ask this because if I truly believed there was no God, then I should not have been surprised, offended, and angry. What I see now, is that I was actually giving recognition to God because I was surprised, offended, and angry. What this means is in my mind, I had convinced myself there was no God, but in my heart I knew there was a God, even if my heart wasn’t open to God. What this means is I was without excuse because I am a part of God’s creation.

The Miracle of God Saving Me

    In 2024, when I was 59 years old, I watched a video that challenged my belief in evolution. Evolution was the foundation of my belief in Atheism. I watched a man named Stephen C Meyer talk about how there is no evidence of mutations leading to new structures within cells, that lead to new species. I had never heard anyone say this, but I knew it was true. And, so I began to doubt my belief in evolution. After watching that video, I spent the next few weeks thinking to myself, “I think I’m coming back to God.” Before I was an atheist, I had believed in God, but I now know that the god of my past was a god of my own creation, so I wasn’t coming back to God, I actually just beginning to know the only true God. Then a second video appeared on my You Tube page. It was a debate between a Christian and an atheist. I almost didn’t watch it, but by the end of the video, I believed the Christian. I began to weep because I knew I rejected God, who loved me and died on the cross for me. Also because I had believed in the lie of atheism for many years. Then, in that moment, I knew God was before me. My attention shifted from myself to God, but I did not see or hear God. The best way I can describe it is say you are in a room with your back to door. You hear someone walk into the room. You cannot deny that someone walked into the room. This is how it was except I did not see or hear God. I just knew. There was a thought in my mind that said, “This is what you did.” And I said, “I’m sorry,” over and over and I wept uncontrollably. In that moment I went from being an atheist, who thought he was coming back to God, to a man who believed in God. That morning, my wife and daughter went to work, I was an atheist. That evening, when they came home, I was preaching them the gospel.

    How was God able save me? It’s because God will not force you to accept him, but he draws everyone to him. In order for this to happen, you have to humble yourself. I humbled myself enough to watch a video that challenged my belief in evolution. I humbled myself enough to accept that what I believed about evolution was false. I humbled myself enough to want to come back to God. I humbled myself enough to believe the Christian in the debate. I humbled myself enough to understand that I have sinned against God and that I needed him to save me. I accepted that God loved me and he sent his Son, Jesus to die for me. Like the jailer, who Paul and Silas led to Jesus, I set aside my beliefs and I wanted to be saved. How is it that I humbled myself and I understood? It’s because only God can provide the growth, but that can only happen if you open the door. If you seek, you will find because the Father draws everyone to him. You have to humble yourself, which is against the way of this world. The way of this world is to follow your own “passions” and “desires,” which will lead you away from God. God made his presence known to me in a stronger way than when I was 17 years old. I changed in an instant and asked God to forgive me. Without the Father drawing me, I never would have changed. When I was 17 years old, I said, “No!” When I was 59 years old, I said, “Yes!” The Father draws everyone to him.

The Rocky Ground

    The people of the “rocky ground” accept God’s word with “joy,” but they only last a short time. We see this in Luke 8:13, “And the ones on the rock are those who, when they hear the word, receive it with joy. But these have no root; they believe for a while, and in time of testing fall away.” And in Mark 4:16-17, “And these are the ones sown on rocky ground: the ones who, when they hear the word, immediately receive it with joy. And they have no root in themselves, but endure for a while; then, when tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, immediately they fall away.” We can see that the people of the “rocky ground” understand the word because they have accepted the word. They believe the word. They believe that Jesus died for their sins and saved them from destruction. Yet, they “fall away” within a short time after hearing and accepting the word. The people of the “rocky ground” have “no root in themselves,” and in a “time of testing” or in a time of “tribulation or persecution,” they quickly fall away.

    I think there are four reasons why the people of the “rocky ground” fall away. The first is because they experience overwhelming “joy.” To them, their “joy” will feel like their connection with God. But over the course the following days, weeks, or months, their “joy” will fade. When their joy fades, they will believe that God is leaving them or that God doesn’t care about them. The second reason the people of the “rocky ground” fall away is because they have “no root.” They do not grow roots that mature in the Lord because they know little about the Lord. For a short time, they may seek to know Jesus, but they are too caught up in their “joy.” And when their “joy” fades, they stop reading the bible and associating with other believers. They will return to the way of life they lived before the “joy” entered their lives, and they will forget about the Lord. The third reason the people of the “rocky ground” fall away is because of a “time of testing” or of a time of “tribulation and persecution.” Because their “joy” fades, they believe the Lord has left them to face a hardship or a challenge alone, so they quickly fall away. They feel abandoned by the Lord and become bitter. The fourth reason the people of the “rocky ground” fall away is because there is a hardness about them that is underneath a shallow depth of soil. Their shallow soil has richness in it, but the hardness underneath prevents growth. And after their “joy” fades, their underlying hardness leads to resentment and anger, and feeling hurt toward God.

    This reminds me of when I was 25 years old. I was full of joy for the Lord. I read the New Testament. I joined a bible teaching church. I went to bible studies. I got baptized. I went with my pastor to the bus stop to witness to people. I witnessed to a Jehovah’s Witness in his home. I told many people at work that I believed in Jesus. I told my parents during Christmas. I was beginning to build relationships with the brothers from my church. I was leaning toward becoming a pastor. But, after a few months, the intense joy I had felt was gone. To compensate for the loss of my joy, I believed that the Lord would give me a gift, like of tongues or of prophecy. So, I asked the brothers to lay their hands on me and to pray over me, to ask God to give me the gift he wanted me to have. After it was done, nothing changed. I was angry at the Lord and I believed he had left me, so I decided to leave him.

    After a few months had passed, I was walking through a shopping center parking lot and my former pastor pulled up next to me in his car. He was so happy to see me and asked me where I had been? I told him I didn’t believe anymore. The happiness fell from his face. He asked me why? I don’t remember my answer. He reminded me of my faith in Jesus and of the things we had done together. He was pleading for me to come back. I turned and walked away. He shouted to me, “Dennis, you will go to hell!” I turned to him and said, “I don’t care.” I walked away and at the end of the parking lot, I turned to look back, and he was still sitting in his car where I had left him. The hardness of my heart reminds me of Hebrews 12:15, we read, “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” The root that grew in me was of bitterness. A short time after seeing my former pastor in the parking lot, I returned to the “prince” of this world. Then, in my thirties, I became Roman Catholic for a short time because I thought it would please my parents and my wife. Then, I began to question God’s existence for many years. Then after learning about evolution, I became an atheist for 16 years.

    When I think of myself as the “rocky ground” many years ago, I think of that intense “joy” that faded and I think of that underlying hardness, which prevented my growth and my maturing. I can see now that my underlying hardness was there because of the abuse I experienced as a child. I blamed God for everything that was bad in my life, that was bad in me, and that was bad in the world. I can see now that God is not to blame. We are to blame because of sin. We are separated from the goodness of God because of our sins. We know how to be good, but this does not make us good. The truth is, is that we are evil. And this is why God emptied himself by becoming a man and died on the cross for the sins of whosoever believes to save us from ourselves. This is love.

    There are a few additional points I’d like to say that contributed to my falling away. One was after I finished reading the New Testament, I decided I wasn’t going to read the bible again because I believed I knew enough from one reading. This is why I had no root in my shallow soil. When Jesus taught people, he told them parables and then went off to the next community. Many people were left wondering what he meant. We are blessed to have the writings of the eyewitnesses and of the eyewitnesses to the eyewitnesses compiled into the bible, so we can study and get to know God. I encourage you to read the bible. I encourage you to study the bible. I encourage you to always study the bible. The second poor decision I made was, after I finished reading the New Testament, I decided to look to people to teach me about Jesus. My rationality was that I knew I was an infant in Christ, and I thought it would be easier for me to learn from people who knew the bible. It didn’t take long until I encountered someone who said all roads lead to God. I respected this person, but I knew what he said conflicted with what Jesus said in the bible. I was conflicted about which side to choose, until I decided to go with what the person had told me because I didn’t want to go against him. I rationalized that maybe I didn’t understand what I had read in the bible. The third poor decision I made was, I knew I had to forgive people who had hurt me and I knew I had to seek forgiveness from those whom I had hurt. I just couldn’t do it. Forgiveness is not an easy thing to do, but in Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus said, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” If you cannot forgive. If you cannot seek forgiveness, I urge you to seek help from God. Pray to God about it constantly. Don’t give up on it. Ask your brothers and sisters in Christ to pray for you. The final poor decision I made was, I stopped praying. I didn’t pray much during this time to begin with. I didn’t develop a practice of praying. When I did pray, I often asked why I didn’t have something or why bad things happened to me. I urge you to develop a practice of prayer because prayer is important for a relationship with God. And when you pray, seek to know God’s will and pray for others.

Are the People of the Rocky Ground Saved?

    When I was 25 years old and full of joy for the Lord, I certainly was “thirsty” and it certainly looked like I was the “one who conquered” by putting my faith in Christ Jesus, but as I look back, was my faith really in Jesus, or was my faith actually in myself? Can someone profess to believe in Jesus, but their faith actually be in themselves or in someone else or in a religion? The answer is yes because while I professed to believe in Jesus, I followed my own way. I chose to stop reading the bible and to look to other people to lead me. I chose to follow someone I respected, who said there are many ways to God, instead of following what Jesus said. I chose to not to forgive people and I chose to not to seek forgiveness. I chose to not pray much. I chose to focus on the joy I felt, instead of focusing on Jesus. I chose to manipulate the bothers of my church to pray over me. I chose to dare to try to manipulate God to give me a gift to replace the joy I had lost. After I was baptized, I looked up to the sky and said to God, “I did this for you.” How arrogant of me to believe God needed anything from me. To be baptized is for other people to witness. It is a symbol of dying to one’s old life, being buried, then rising to a new life in Christ Jesus. My baptism did not symbolize this because my faith was not in Jesus. My faith was actually in myself. Like when I was 17 years old, I said I believed in God, but my faith was in myself and in the ways of this world.

    Are the people of the “rocky ground” saved? When I look at my case, I don’t think they are saved. The people of the “rocky ground” fall away because of a “time of testing” or of a time of “tribulation or persecution.” For myself, it was a “time of testing.” This “time of testing” sifted me, like wheat. I had the appearance of fruit, but once the “joy” faded, I became disappointed at God and decided that I knew better than God, so I left him. The one thing I can see that would have prevented my falling away was if I had humbled myself and stayed in God’s word in the bible. If I had kept myself in God’s word, I would have learned what faith in Jesus actually meant, and I would have withstood the testing of the joy that faded into a normal state of being. If I had stayed in God’s word, I would have sought help and encouragement from other believers. And I would have avoided looking to people as a shortcut to know God. If I had stayed in God’s word, I would have moved from the rocky ground to the good soil.

The Thorns

    We see the people among the “thorns” in Matthew 13:7, “Other seeds fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked them.” Thorn plants grow very well in many conditions and they grow everywhere. Thorn plants often have barbs, or spikes, or little sharp hairs, or hooks that protect them. Thorn plants tend to grow in thick patches, taking up all the soil. Thorn plants tend to crowd out all other plants from the sun. I have a raspberry patch in my backyard. They grow several feet in height. They grow thickly together. Any plant that grows among them are crowded out or are stunted. The big leaves of the raspberry patch make a canopy, blotting out the sun from other plants. When the wind blows, the raspberry’s thorns stab and scratch other plants. Most of the plants that do manage to grow among my raspberry patch are small and fragile, hiding under the canopy of thorns and leaves.

    I think the “thorns” themselves are people who follow the way of this world. I think the seeds that are planted among the “thorns” and that grow among the “thorns” are people who say they believe in Jesus, but these people are stunted plants that don’t bear any fruit because they are under the canopy of this world. These people are distracted by the fruit of the “thorns,” so they participate with the “thorns” to gain something, like wealth and power. These people do not follow Jesus. They follow the way of this world. The way of this world is like a raspberry patch that dominates the soil. The way of this world is like a raspberry canopy that blots out the truth. The way of this world is like a raspberry patch that bears it’s own fruit. The way of this world is like a thorn that will draw blood if it thinks it’s being threatened. Jesus said in John 15:18-21, “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. But all these things they will do to you on account of my name, because they do not know him who sent me.” The people among the thorns love this world. They claim to believe in Jesus, but they do not want this world to hate them. The truth is that they only live for this world.

    This world says that there are many paths that lead to God. When I was 25 years old, I chose to follow a man who told me there are many paths that lead to God. I did this because it felt right to me and I didn’t want to go against him. I also did this because it felt right to me to not offend people because many people follow different religions. I would think, “How could so many people be wrong.” And I would think, “Every religion is evidence for God.” But Paul said in Romans 1:19-21, “For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.” All of creation knows God. This means all of humanity knows God. This means that the way of this world should be the way of God. Yet, every religion says something different about God. There are so many different gods in every religion. This is because all of these gods are all created by people. Instead of seeing what can known about God, people make God fit into their own ideas about God. According to Paul, God’s “invisible attributes” and “eternal power” have been shown by him in all of creation. God should be plainly evident to us, but we are blinded by our “passions” and “desires.” God gave us dominion of this world after he created it, but we gave up our dominion of this world to Satan because we went against God. We have the illusion of control of this world, but the reality is that we live within a dominion of darkness that is leading us to live for our own “passions” and “desires.” Instead of this world following the way of God, it follows the way of Satan. We become like Satan and make God into whatever we desire because this is acceptable to the way of this world. This is why we should not follow what the many say about God. We should follow only the One who has told us the truth about the only true God.

Are the People of the Thorns Saved?

    When I consider myself when I was 25 years old, I said I believed in Jesus, but I chose to follow a man who said there are many roads to God. Not only that, but I chose to follow what the many said about God. As I look back now, I can see that I believed in vain. I believed in a false Jesus, while claiming to believe in the true Jesus. This false Jesus of mine accepted everyone into eternal life, no matter what they believed because I reasoned that people could not all be wrong about God. Instead of following Jesus, I followed myself. I believed myself as knowing the truth. I put myself above God. According to Jeremiah 17:9,

“The heart is deceitful above all things,

and desperately sick;

who can understand it?”

    I don’t think we understand what it truly means to go against God. I don’t think we understand just how bad our sinful nature is. We are so sick, that even when we think we are doing good, we are are doing evil. We are truly blind to the truth. This is why we need a savior. The Father has made himself known to us in the person of Jesus Christ. Jesus said of himself in John 14:6, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” I don’t think the people among the “thorns” are saved because they do not understand that Jesus is the only way to the Father in heaven. Instead, they look to the world to believe. They do this, so that they can continue to live for themselves and for this world. Their identity is in this world. If I had decided to challenge the man who told me there are many paths to God by going back to the bible to answer my doubts, then I would have come to understand the truth if I was honest. But I didn’t see the bible as the authority. I saw the world as the authority.

The Good Soil

    The people of the “good soil” is what every follower of Jesus desires to be. In Mark 4:8, we read, “And other seeds fell into good soil and produced grain, growing up and increasing and yielding thirtyfold and sixtyfold and a hundredfold.” The “good soil” are people who believe in Jesus. They understand that Jesus died on the cross to redeem anyone who believes. They understand that since Jesus has taken their sins and has given them his righteousness, they no longer belong to themselves and this world. Their passion and desire is to continue in faith in Jesus. To love God above all and to love others as God has shown them. To die to themselves and live as God created them. To go and preach and teach the word to make disciples. Notice that the “good soil” is the exact opposite of the way of this world.

    The “good soil” reminds me of the Parable of the Talents. In Matthew 25:14-30, we read, “For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property. To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more. So also he who had the two talents made two talents more. But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master's money. Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here, I have made five talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ And he also who had the two talents came forward, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me two talents; here, I have made two talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here, you have what is yours.’ But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’”

    Every soil has been given abilities by God, like the master who entrusted his property to his servants. The servant who was given 5 talents and the servant who was given two talents, both of them yielded a hundredfold, and the master rewarded them with more, “for to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance.” The “good soil” is the one that uses the abilities given to them to bear much fruit. But the bad soils; the hardened path, the thin soil with rock underneath, and the soil dominated by thorns are like the servant with one talent, who buried his talent because he believed the master was a “hard man.” He believed it was unjust of the master to ask more of him. His faith was not in his master, but in himself because he believed he knew better than his master. Instead of following his master, he followed his own desire, which was to serve himself. He saw his master as a thief because he didn’t want to give the master the fruit of his talent. He was “afraid” of his master because he did not know his master. So, the master took this servant’s one talent from him and gave it to the one with ten, and he “cast the worthless servant into outer darkness.” But notice that the master doesn’t take the talents when settling accounts. The one with five talents, now has ten, then eleven. The one with two, now has four. Even if the servant with one talent had earned thirtyfold on his one talent, the master would have allowed this servant to “enter into the joy of your master.” Even if this servant had earned “interest,” the master would have said, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.” The “good soil” sets aside their selfish ambitions and their vain conceits to value others above themselves. They do this because they do this for their master, not for themselves. They recognize that their talents are not for selfish ambition, but for God’s purpose, which is to love God above all and to love others as God showed us in Jesus.

    Everything of who we are, as a creation of God, is a gift from God. We have been given many gifts. We have been given many abilities that belong to God. He has given them to us to use for the benefit of others. When we use them for ourselves, we only serve ourselves. Either we reward ourselves or we seek our reward from our master. Like the servants in the Parable of the Talents, we have been given the freedom to use our talents as we desire. We can use our talents to suit ourselves, or we can use our talents to serve God, who will reward us far beyond anything in this world.

    After Jesus saved me in May of 2024, I have been asking myself, “Was I really a lost sheep?” “Was I really a prodigal son returning home?” The answer is, “No.” I was never a lost sheep or a prodigal son because I followed my own “passions” and “desires.” I followed the “prince” of this world. I began writing this study with the intent to show that I was a lost sheep and that I was a prodigal son because that is what I hoped for, but as the study progressed, and took longer than I expected, I began to understand that I have been in unbelief most of my life, even when I thought I believed. It’s been a sobering experience because had I died during that time, when I thought I believed I would have said,”Lord, Lord, did I not believe in you, and did I not do many good deeds for you?” Then Jesus would have said to me, “I never knew you; depart from me, you worker of lawlessness.” In 1 John 3:4, the apostle John said, “Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness, sin is lawlessness.” The reason Jesus would have called me a “worker of lawlessness” is because he didn’t know me to cover my sins for me. In 1 John 3:6, the apostle John said, “No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him.” He didn’t know me because I believed in a false Jesus. He didn’t know me because I believed in this world. He didn’t know me because my faith was in myself. Because he didn’t know me and I didn’t know him, my sins were not forgiven. Jesus is truth. He will not accept our lies.

Examine Yourself

    In 1 John 2:15-17, we read, “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.” And what is the will of God? Jesus said in John 6:39-40, “And this is the will of him who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.” After you believe that Jesus died for you, what is next? Jesus said in John 14:15, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” What are Jesus’ commandments? In Matthew 22:37-40, Jesus said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Notice that Jesus’ commandments are the exact opposite of “following the course of this world, and following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience, among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.”

    To believe in Jesus for the forgiveness of your sins is more than words. To believe in something requires change. To believe is not a collection of beliefs. To believe is not to say you believe, but then to live without any thought of God. To believe is not to say you believe, but then make God into a god of your own choosing. To believe requires an exchange, your life in exchange for his life. Either you believe or you are in unbelief, even if you don’t realize you are in unbelief. Paul said in 2 Corinthians 13:5, “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!”

    I encourage you to examine yourself. Salvation comes by faith alone in Jesus. The change in your life is a result from your faith in Jesus. The change is a result of you receiving. The change doesn’t save you, but is evidence of your faith in Jesus. When you believe in Jesus, you give him your confidence that he alone has saved you. But if you say, “I believe, and I’m going to do what I want,” then your belief is in yourself, not in Jesus. If you say, “I believe, and I must be good,” then your belief is in yourself, not in Jesus. If you say, I believe, and I do good things,” then your belief is in yourself, not in Jesus. You are saved by belief alone in Jesus, that he died for you. The change of dying to yourself and of living in Christ is evidence that your faith is true. The change doesn’t add anything to your salvation because salvation is only found in Jesus Christ. The change in your life doesn’t come from you, it comes from God.

    May the Grace and Mercy of God be with you.

My Progressive MS Story

    My goal in writing about my MS experience is to offer information that may be helpful to people who have MS. That my experience may be helpful for early detection and also for lifestyle changes for people who know they have MS and for people who suspect they may have MS is the focus of this essay. The two most important factors I have found that I can do in helping me cope with MS is sleep and diet. It really matters what you eat and how often you eat, and the quality of your sleep. I also encourage you to take breaks from physical activity because people with MS have a limited amount of energy. People with MS should rest and, in a sense, recharge themselves. This is important to reduce your falling risk. And I also encourage you to completely avoid alcohol. If you have symptoms similar to mine, I encourage you to see a neurologist. Also, I’m not a doctor, so my advice is based on my personal experiences, which I hope may be helpful to you. I encourage you to see a neurologist if you have any of the symptoms I list below.

    In my thirties, my feet burned when lying in bed at night. I didn’t think much of it. I’d leave my feet uncovered at night to help reduce the burning sensation. This may have been an early sign of MS.

    At age 47, my right leg would suddenly seize with tightness while running, often causing me to fall forward. Because of the tightness, I couldn’t run further, but I could walk home fine. I thought I was overdoing it because I was pushing myself to improve my running time and because I was approaching the age of 50.

    At age 49, I was running in the Anchorage Heart Run. After the run started, all seemed normal for several minutes until my right leg tighten up. I walked it off and tried to run again, but the tightness returned. I couldn’t run at all for the rest of the race. After the race, I spent the next few months trying to run. I’d begin with running a short distance until my right leg tightened up. I’d walk it off and try to run, over and over again. During this time I thought maybe I should see a doctor, but I thought I’d be okay if I took the rest of the summer off from running.

    At age 50, I developed a foot drag with my right foot after walking a few miles. I decided to go on long walks for exercise, since I couldn’t run. I noticed the foot drag would start after the first few miles. I made an appointment to see my primary care doctor, who referred me to a neurologist. The neurologist determined my problem was my L5 disc, so I started cortisol injections. At this point, my MS symptoms were difficult to notice because I seemed normal. The foot drag and leg tightness were not apparent until after sustained physical activity. So, the neurologist didn’t see the symptoms I tried to explain to him.

    For the next five years I continued the cortisol injections for my L5 disc on the advice of my primary care doctor. My symptoms of foot drag and leg stiffness, also called muscle spasticity, continued to increase to the point where they were always present from the moment of waking to the moment I went to bed at night. I stopped going for walks because of fatigue and weakness and because of falling. During these five years I develop several other symptoms listed below:

1. Body restlessness that prevented sleep, tossing and turning all night.
2. Fatigue and weakness.
3. My right leg would kick and twitch at night preventing sleep, every 3 to 7 seconds.
4. Muscle spasm pain in rectum that would pulse like electricity, every 5 to 13 seconds.
5. When I did fall asleep, I would instantly wake up, over and over.
6. Waking to urinate several times a night.
7. Constant stomach bloating with pressure and pain.
8. Constipation for many days, then
9. Urgency to go to the toilet, often going in my pants.
10. Urination would come out slowly, sometimes taking 20 minutes to empty bladder or would come out suddenly into my pants.
11. Right hip pain that prevented sleep and sitting in a chair.
12. Edema in both feet and legs, but more so on right side.
13. Multiple falls caused by my right foot catching on something.
14. Multiple falls cause by any sudden movement, especially to turn around.
15. Certain sounds, like dishes clanking, caused a jolting head and body pain.
16. Muscle spasticity in right leg, right hip, and lower back.

    I would go multiple nights without sleep, and when I did sleep, it was short, and I often woke feeling unrested. Sleeping pills rarely helped me and often made me feel more miserable and even more sleep deprived. My life consisted of watching movies, playing computer games, watching You Tube, and trying to take naps during the day. During those five years, I was too proud to use a cane. If I had, I would have prevented many falls.

    At age 50, I started to drink wine. It began with half a bottle. Then a whole bottle. Then two bottles. Then at around the age of 53, I decided to drink whiskey and vodka because wine is expensive. My thinking was that I could drink more often during the week with whiskey and vodka. I developed a taste for vodka. I used an 8 ounce cup to drink with. It began with half a cup of straight vodka. Then a full cup. Then two cups. Then I don’t remember how much. I remember one morning holding a large bottle I had bought the previous day and it was nearly empty. At this point, I realized I was killing myself, so I stopped drinking vodka. It took many months for the desire and the urge to drink to fade away. Occasionally, I would get a few bottles of wine, but I stopped that as well. The alcohol provided a temporary relief from the misery I felt from all my symptoms, but at the cost of multiple day long hangovers. For some reason, I was willing to endure the misery of hangers for those short periods of intoxication that numbed my body and my mind. I was self medicating with alcohol, but at the age 54, I finally stopped drinking.

    At age 55, I had a minor stroke. The stoke added more symptoms. I developed a minor weakness on my right side. My right hand was weaker than my left hand, and my right leg felt heavier than my left leg. I had to use a cane to walk because I felt off balance and weak. Additionally, sounds became even more painful. Hearing sounds felt like a painful shock going through my body. The turn of a door knob. The klinking of silverware. The closing of a door. The dropping of something on the carpet. Also, I developed an intense fear of sleeping because to me it felt like dying. I developed an overwhelming sense of dread that my life was ending. At this time, I was an atheist, and I believed that when life ended, there was nothing after life. I didn’t want my life to end. I spent much of my time over the next several months lying in bed, watching You Tube.

    Shortly after my stroke, I saw another neurologist. He determined I had Devic’s Disease. He ordered a spinal tap to verify his diagnosis. After the spinal tap, he said it wasn’t Devic’s Disease. Then, after having some blood work done, my primary care doctor said I had Scleroderma. I saw a Rheumatologist and he determined that I did not have Scleroderma. With each diagnosis of, Devic’s Disease and Scleroderma, I believed my life was ending and even after I was told that I did not have those diseases, it took me awhile to accept that my life wasn’t ending at that time. I decided to find another neurologist because I was finally able to afford health insurance through my wife’s employer, who increased the amount they would pay on our behalf. The next neurologist, who is my current neurologist, ordered an MRI of my brain and of my spinal cord in my neck. She found a large lesion on my spinal cord in my neck and a few tiny lesions on my brain. She gave me the diagnosis of Transverse Myelitis. There is no treatment for Transverse Myelitis, so I began to look into my diet.

    I found the Wahl’s Protocol diet on the internet. She is a researcher in Iowa, who studies the effects of diet on MS. She has MS herself. She has seen significant improvement in her quality of life, as well as in the people with MS who participate in her studies by changing the food they eat and by fasting. She calls for nine cups of vegetables and fruit everyday, and to eat meat, preferably red meat, and organ meat, like liver everyday. She calls to avoid eggs and dairy and breads, grains, cereals, and all processed foods. She also calls for fasting between meals. I decided to eat once a day. I did the Wahl’s Protocol diet for six months and I noticed significant improvements. Over the course of the six months I noticed:

1. My body restlessness completely disappeared, gone.
2. I had less fatigue, but fatigue was still an issue.
3. I began to sleep a little better with less waking up, but sleep was still poor.
4. Constipation was completely gone, but was replaced with horrendous farting. I mean constant non stop, smelly, like I never smelled that kinda farting before. And my wife stuck with me throughout the whole smelly experience.
5. I often had loose stools, almost like diarrhea.
6. Urination flowed better, but was still an issue.
7. Less stomach bloating and pressure at the end of the day.

    I would eat one large meal of vegetables and beef and liver everyday around lunch time. Because of all the vegetables, I had bloating after eating, but by the end of the day, the bloating and pressure and pain was gone or was significantly less.

    After six months had passed on the Wahl’s Protocol diet, I decided to try the carnivore diet because I had enough of the farting, and I noticed that when I ate beef and liver, it was like my body was thanking me each time I ate it, especially when I ate a medium rare steak. I continued to fast after eating one large meal every day. I followed the carnivore diet for about one year. Over the course of the year, I ate beef, and liver, and I added egg yolks, and sardines, and dried seaweed. I noticed:

1. Without working out, I lost weight, over 40 pounds.
2. Without working out, my strength increased.
3. Without working out, my muscle size increased.
4. Stomach bloating and pressure and pain was completely gone. My stomach was flat.
5. Urgency to go to the toilet began to decrease and
6. Urination flowed better, but not always.
7. My bowel movements were small and were every two or three days, mostly without constipation.
8. I noticed that my body had less waste when I ate only meat.
9. I started to experience less pain from sounds.
10. My sleep improved a little in that I got up less to go to the toilet, but sleep was still an issue.

    The only problem I had with the carnivore diet was I felt unsatisfied after every meal. I craved carbs, so toward the end of the year, I added white rice to my meals, which was what I needed to feel satisfied.

    I highly recommend fasting. Fasting has been significant to my healing and recovery. Fasting provided a break for my digestive system to heal and encouraged my body to clean itself up. Also, fasting taught me to control my body, instead of my body controlling me to eat whenever I felt hungry. It’s like a victory I have over my body everyday. When it is time to eat, I thoroughly enjoy every meal, even if it’s a can of sardines. Food becomes more meaningful after fasting. There are various ways of fasting you can try.

    At age 58, I developed significant pain in my right hip. I saw an Orthopedic doctor, who recommended a steroid injection into my right hip. After the injection, not only did my hip improve, but the twitching and kicking in my right leg significantly decreased. Also, the muscle spasms from my rectum significantly decreased. The reduction in both of these symptoms led to a significant improvement in my sleep quality. I still had these symptoms, but the intensity of each shocking jolt was reduced and the twitching was weaker and at times showing no symptoms. This was a big deal in my sleep quality moving in the right direction. I pursued a second steroid injection when they would let me, but after that injection there was no further improvement.

    Also at age 58, I found that soaking in a hot bath before bedtime calmed my muscle spasms and leg twitching at night. Soaking in a hot bath has been a game changer in my sleep quality. I had taken showers most of my life, but taking a hot bath and soaking in it for 20 minutes provides hours of restfulness that lasts into the night. Because of my MS, I am sensitive to heat. So, I become very weak and a fall risk after soaking in a hot bath, but the distance between my bed and the tub is short, and once I lay down, and after about one hour, I have recovered from the weakness. I highly recommend using a walker to go from the tub to your bed, and to have your bed clothes already laid out on the bed.

    At age 59, I had an increase in my symptoms that lead to a change in my diagnosis, which lead to me receiving medical treatment. The spasticity that primarily affected my right leg began to show in my left leg. And the spasticity in my right leg increased. I could feel my right knee locking with movement and tightness behind my left knee. My legs were becoming like peg legs, difficult to bend at the knees. My walking speed went from normal to slow. Also, I couldn’t stand without holding onto something, like the wall or furniture, without falling over. I switched from using a cane to using a walker. My neurologist order an MRI, which showed a change in my lesions. She changed my diagnosis from Transverse Myelitis to Progressive MS. The change in my diagnosis meant I could receive treatment because there is a treatment for Progressive MS. Once every six months, I receive an Ocrevus infusion that destroys a certain segment of my immune system to reduce my immune system from attacking my nervous system. The Ocrevus infusion is meant to slow the disease. It’s been one year since I started the Ocrevus infusions. I’ve had three sessions. The first infusion dosage is split into two separate sessions a few weeks apart. Six months later I received a full dosage in that session. I have noticed some significant changes in the last few months including:

1. I can stand now, without having to hold onto something, though I still have balance issues when walking.
2. My legs can bend at the knees better and my legs are less like peg legs.
3. With physical therapy, I have noticed increased strength and endurance. Previous physical therapy always made me weak and tired.
4. I have become more active in my daily life. For example, I started going to church. I attend a men’s group on Tuesdays at 7pm, when I would normally be in bed because of fatigue.
5. And, yesterday, I mowed the lawn for the first time in many years.
6. I am sleeping the night through. Often not having to wake to use the toilet.

    The Ocrevus infusions can cause an anaphylaxis response, which I did experience twice. During the first session, the nurse increase the dosage at timed intervals. At one point, I experienced itching at the back of my throat. The nurse shut off the infusion and started a saline solution to flush out my system until the itching was gone. Then the nurse restarted the infusion and at a slower pace, she increased the dosage until I was able to receive the full dosage. After the saline flush, I had no further problems.

    During the second session I had no problems.

    During the third session, I experienced the itching at the back of my throat again. The nurse shut off the infusion and started a saline solution, like before, to flush out my system until the itching was gone. Then the nurse restarted the infusion at a slower pace until I was able to receive the full dosage, just like my first session. And after the saline flush, I had no further problems.

    I’m now 60 years old. I have added eggs, cheese, rice, flour tortillas, and ice cream and chocolate to my diet. I still fast and I still eat one large meal a day, but this year I have added fermented and pickled vegetables to my diet, like sauerkraut, pickles, beets, carrots, onions, olives, jalapenos, and cauliflower. A typical meal for me consists of beef, sardines, cheese, egg yolks, fermented and pickled vegetables, seaweed, and occasionally white rice, or a flour tortilla. I cook in butter or beef tallow. Though, in the last year, I have been missing the mark because I have been eating ice cream and chocolate. I’ve noticed that ice cream that has any type of gum ingredient is highly inflammatory to my digestive system, but ice cream made without any gum ingredients is less inflammatory. The gum ingredients, like Xanthan Gum make a nice and creamy ice cream, but are harsh to my digestive system. My go to for ice cream is Hagen Daz Vanilla. Every store bought chocolate bar I have tried causes me inflammation, but I have noticed that the Nutella Hazelnut chocolate filled cookie doesn’t bother me much. Also, I have noticed that when I make homemade desserts, cookies and cakes, I have less inflammation compared to the store bought. Homemade has less sugar and isn’t as sweet as the store bought and doesn’t have a long list of preservatives and other ingredients.

    My current quality of life has improved significantly in the last few months. I still have to use a walker, but I can stand on my own. I have more physical strength and endurance, which means I’m not always in bed. I often sleep the whole night through without having to get up to go to the toilet. And when I do have to get up to go to the toilet, it’s almost always once a night. Getting quality sleep has been a game changer for the improved quality of my life today. Eating quality food has been a game changer for the improved quality of my life. Soaking in a hot bath has been a game changer for the improved quality of my life. Fasting has been a gamer changer for the improved quality of my life. However, I continue to experience these symptoms:

1. Occasional constipation.
2. Occasional urgency to go to toilet.
3. Balance issues, such as feeling I might fall over when walking.
4. Muscle spasticity in both right and left legs, increases with walking.
5. Muscle spasticity in right hip and lower back.
6. Right leg twitching at night, is reduced and sometimes not noticeable.
7. Rectal muscle spasms are reduced and often are not noticeable, but they do flare up.
8. Weakness and fatigue, but less often.
9. Pain in right hip, but at a lower level.
10. My right side is still weaker than my left side because of my stroke.
11. Sounds are still painful, but much less compared to the past.
12. Minor edema in both feet and legs. The edema increases with prolonged standing and decreases with activity and resting.
13. I continue to fall because of catching my right foot onto something.
14. I continue to fall if I move suddenly, such as to turn around, so I try to keep my walker near me.

What has Changed Since Age of 50

1. The one symptom that is new since the age of 50 is spasticity in my left leg. Although, my left leg is still my dominate leg and is still more flexible and stronger than my right leg.

2. The symptom that increased since the age of 50 is increased spasticity in my right leg, lower back and right hip. Because of the increased spasticity, I have one walking speed, which is slow. If I try to walk a little faster, the spasticity tightens my leg muscles, which increases my falling risk.

3. My walking speed is now one speed, which is slow.

4. I have to use a walker because my balance when walking is poor. I often use my quad cane and a second walker for walking in my home.

5. My right leg is less restless at night when trying to sleep. Soaking in a hot bath has helped significantly calm my leg.

6. Muscle spasms in rectum has significantly deceased with soaking in hot bath. When it flares up at night, I get up and take a second hot bath, which helps significantly.

7. Significant improvement without having the urgency to go to the toilet. I rarely go in my pants now.

8. I have a bowel movement most every day and it’s in the toilet.

9. I have increased strength and endurance, which began a few months ago.

10. Significant reduction in stomach bloating and pressure and pain. It was completely gone when I ate meat and white rice only.

11. I am sleeping through the night more often, which began a few months ago.

12. Pain from sounds is significantly less.

Quality of Life Tips

1. Don’t put off seeing a doctor, like I did.

2. Get a walker early on and get one that lets you adjust the height of the handles. Adjustable height handles will save you some backache from walking hunched over. Find a walker that is easily folded to put into your car trunk and that is easy to unfold. Consider a walker to keep in your car trunk and consider a second walker just for walking around your home.

3. A quad cane because they stand on their own. This is so you don’t have to lean your cane against something and then watch it slide over onto the floor.

4. Try replacing showers with soaking in a hot bath to reduce restlessness and pain. This may help you sleep at night.

5. Avoid alcohol.

6. If you have stairs at home, try living on one floor. If possible, live in a home without an upstairs and without a basement because stairs will increase your falling risk.

7. Take short breaks to rest and recharge your energy. It would be preferable to lay down. 5 to 15 minutes. This will help reduce your falling risk.

8. Install hand rails in your bathroom. Avoid the suction cup type hand rails. They are useless and dangerous. Install hand rails that need to be screwed into the wood studs behind your drywall.

9. I recommend installing hand controls for braking and acceleration in your car. It may become difficult to move your foot from the gas to the brake because of the spasticity in your legs. Also, install a handle onto your steering wheel, so that you can drive with one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand on the braking and acceleration control. Also, go through training to learn how to drive with these controls. Your state may require training and certification. I'm doing this through Providence Physical Therapy.

Jesus Christ is My Lord and Savior

    At age 59, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. The feeling of dread that my life was ending is completely gone. I no longer fear that I will end and become nothing because I trust that Jesus has taken my sin punishment for me on the cross. I have given my life to him and he has given me his righteousness and will raise me up with him. I am in Jesus and Jesus is in me and he has given me eternal life. I believe the reason my life has significantly improved in the last several months is because of Jesus Christ, not because of anything I have done because there is nothing I can do without him. Jesus is God. He is the Son of the Father, and Jesus sustains life and has created all things. There is nothing I can do without him. Before Jesus, I was miserable, poor, and blind, but now I live in his life, and I accept that this body of mine will die, but my spirit will live eternally with him. I encourage you to seek and to ask and to knock, for Jesus will answer, for he will open the door, and you will find him. I encourage you to be open and to not be hardened. That I went from being a hardened atheist for 16 years, then at the age of 59, to believe in God, is a miracle of God. Look to know him in the bible and find fellowship in other believers and pray to the only true God, the Father, the Son, who is Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. There are many false teachers and false prophets, so I encourage you to look to Jesus in the bible and to join a church that teaches from the bible. Check out biblegateway.com for a great bible resource that also offers multiple audio versions to listen to the bible.
    May the grace of God be with you.

My Testimony: My Encounter with God

    The foundation of my atheism was based on the theory of evolution. This foundation was shattered when I learned that there are problems with the theory of evolution. What challenged my belief in evolution is that mutations in DNA don’t lead to new structures, like new proteins, which then lead to new species. There’s no evidence for any of this. The assertion is that animals evolved over millions of years into new species because of mutations to the DNA that will lead to new structures, but there is no evidence of this occurring. To believe this, you have to accept it by faith. The assertion is that the evidence will eventually be found. After I watched Stephen C. Meyer tell Joe Rogan on You Tube that there isn’t any evidence of mutations leading to new species, I realized I had been closed minded for many years. This is important because I based my atheism on the theory of evolution. Once I understood that there is no evidence of mutations leading to new structures that lead to new species, the whole theory collapsed for me. The theory of evolution sits on this one assertion: that mutations lead to new species. I had a sudden realization that I was wrong about God and that maybe God did exist. I spent the next few weeks, not investigating further, but often thinking to myself, “I think I’m coming back to God.” I thought this because I believed in God before I became an atheist, but that belief was actually in a god more to my liking, which is another story.

    A few weeks later, after watching Stephen C. Meyer on the Joe Rogan Podcast, a video of an atheist debating a Christian showed up on my You Tube feed. I hesitantly watched it. As I watched the video, I believed what the Christian had said, and at the end of the video, I realized what I had done. I realized I had rejected God, who was real. I also realized that Jesus died on the cross for me because he loved me. I realized that I had sinned against God and I was sorry for it. I realized that I wanted Jesus to save me. I realized that there is something about life that is greater than me. I realized that I had believed in the lie of atheism for many years. I started to cry, then in that moment, I knew I wasn’t alone in my room. My attention shifted from myself to God. It seemed that God was before me or that the Holy Spirit had entered me. I didn’t see or hear God, I just knew. The best way I can describe it is when you are alone in a room with your back to the door and you hear someone walk into the room. You cannot deny the presence of someone in the room with you, except I did not hear or see God. I just knew. In my mind there was a thought that said, “This is what you did.” I responded with, “I’m sorry” over and over and I wept uncontrollably. The best way I can describe it is I felt like a very young child crying to his father because he had done something bad and he knew that he had hurt his father. In that moment, I went from being an atheist, who thought maybe he was coming back to God, to a man who believed in God. That morning, my wife and daughter went to work, I was an atheist. That evening, when they came home, I was preaching them the gospel of Jesus Christ.

    In the months following, my mind was flooded with all these sins I had done, and I asked God to forgive me. And I was filled with the need to forgive everyone who had hurt me and to seek forgiveness from anyone I could remember who I had hurt. And to remove the things in my life that were idols to me. And to shift through information about God and religions I found on the internet. And to begin to know God by reading about him in the bible. It’s been since May of 2024 when God brought me out of the darkness I was in. He saved me from an eternity of separation from his love. I am now 60 years old, but I am new in Jesus Christ. One thing I have learned is that many people are lost because they are following the way of this world, which is how I lived most of my life. The answer to know God is not found in people. It is not found in religion. The answer to know God is found in a relationship with Jesus Christ. Many people say they believe and follow Jesus, but I urge you to compare what they say about their Jesus to the Jesus in the Bible. Many people will tell you Jesus is make believe. Many will tell you about a false Jesus. Many will tell you to put your faith in science. But I say, put your faith in Jesus and get to know him by praying and reading the bible. If you have doubts about the bible, which I did at first, look at all the evidence, like all the manuscripts found and all the archaeological evidence and look at the character of Jesus in the bible, and look at the disciples. Why they chose to follow Jesus and what it cost them. The evidence is real and is there for you to see, unlike the evidence that mutations lead to new species. The reason I am writing about my experience is not to draw attention to myself, but to testify that God is real. I was an atheist. Now I testify that God is real.

A Short Story: Tell Me You Are My Son

    When I was in my early twenties, there was this time when I was waiting at a bus stop and the woman next to me began to tell me about her son. It was just the two of us at the bus stop, and I could see that she was happy talking about her son, and so I became interested and I listened and spoke a few words here and there. The conversation was pleasant and to this day I don’t remember the specifics, but I do remember she was talking about her son and that she was so proud of him and was so happy. I was happy for her, but then she suddenly said that she didn’t know where her son was. Then she asked me this question, “Are you my son?”

    Nothing prepared me for this question. Until this moment, there was nothing unusual about her. Then she changed from being happy to being hopeful and desperate. She kept asking me if I was her son and if I could please be her son. It kind of went like this,

    She said, “You are my son. Please tell me you’re my son.”
    I said, “I’m not your son.”
    She said, “Are you my son?”
    I said, “No, I’m not.”
    She said, “I think you are my son. Tell me you are my son please.”
    I said, “No, I’m not your son.”
    She said, “You are my son. You look like him!”
    I said, “No, I don’t look like your son.”
    She said, “Please tell me you are my son.”

    She had this look of hope on her face and for a moment, I wanted to tell her that I was her son, but I couldn’t. She sank back into the bench and looked downward as I got up and walked to the bench on the other side of the bus stop. As I sat there, I kept thinking, “I can’t be who I’m not.” And I kept thinking, “She wanted me to be someone I wasn’t.” Before this experience, I would think, “Who am I?” But there at that moment, I knew I wasn’t her son. When the bus arrived, I was relieved to see that the woman did not get up to get on the bus. And when I got into my seat, I looked at her through the window and for a moment, I wanted to run off the bus and tell her that I was her son, so that she would be happy.

    Many people have been mistaken for another person. You may have experienced this, when a stranger called out to you because they believed you were another person. Maybe they came up to you from behind or they called to you across a long way. Or you, yourself may have mistaken someone else as another person just for a moment. Do you remember the initial look on their face? That initial look of surprise, or of shock, or of anger? Then upon seeing their reaction and realizing your mistake, you apologize. You would be perplexed and surprised by your mistake as well. You apologize because you know that you made a mistake, but also because you know it’s an offense to the person. You know this because you believe the same for yourself.

    But imagine that the person in that instant decided to go along with the mistaken identity and claimed to be that person you had mistaken them for, but you realized that they were lying to you. You would be surprised because the person claimed to be someone you know they are not. Maybe they said it because they were angry and said it with the intent to harm you, or maybe they believed they could convince you they was the person you were looking for, or maybe they thought they could could help you in some way. No matter the way, you would be surprised, even angry because of their lie.

    After I got on the bus, my life continued and I quickly forgot about the woman at the bus stop. Now, many years later, I have been thinking about her. I have been thinking, what would have happened if I had lied and told her I was her son? I can only imagine, that she would have realized the truth at some point and the true horror of what I would have done to her. I have told many lies in my life. Why did I not tell this lie? From my reaction, and even though I didn’t know who I was, for example, what was my purpose and meaning in life, I knew I wasn’t her son. It was a lie I couldn’t live with even though I wanted her to be happy.

    Did the woman at the bus stop mistaken me for her son? No, I don’t think so. I think there must have been something else going on. Maybe an illness. I don’t believe her intention was to harm me. I do believe she wanted to see her son again. And maybe there was something about me that reminded her of her son. At that moment, she wanted me to be her son. She didn’t know for sure if I was her son because she wanted me to tell her I was her son. I can only hope that by denying to be her son, I helped her in some way. The problem in my story isn’t that the woman wanted me to be her son, it’s that we live in a broken world. A world where a lie can feel good and it can feel like the right thing to do. Because to us, there is a way that feels right and good, but in the end, it will only lead to harm and destruction. To find truth, look to Jesus. Read about him in the bible.